Well established is the recognition and acceptance of “holiday funk.”
Christmas has a deep spiritual meaning to Christians. It is less about giving presents and mostly a time to think about Jesus. Still, to many people, Christmas is also supposed to be spent sharing ourselves with family and loved ones. A time to slow down our frenzied lives to enjoy “quality” time with our families and reflect on the blessings we have received. Certainly that’s what our culture presents as important. Heck, that is how it has always been and should always be! At least that is what I believe.
Today, I found myself in the midst of family and feeling useless and insignificant. Is that the MS or the Holiday funk?
I think a mix of both. I know the pseudobulbar affect is in play but I also believe the traditional “Holiday Blues” contributes a lot.
For the last few years I have felt lost, alone and generally miserable every holiday. When we open our Christmas presents as a family, I find myself incapable of inserting myself into the moment. I feel detached and unwilling to interact. But, I force myself. It is not fair to the others for me to inject and inflict my negative mindset. Even worse, I find I am incapable of wresting myself out of the mental fog. It is like being on the outside looking in. Yup, like the song.
Regardless, I was redeemed by a three-year-old whose awe and excitement about the day reminded me this day was not about me but had a much deeper meaning than I had ever realized. Oh sure, I wanted to present the woe-is-me version of myself and be the Ebeneezer Scrooge of the family, but I resisted and was so very glad. There is NOTHING to be gained by being pitiful but the feelings are there, none-the-less.