The signature impact of multiple sclerosis is its unpredictability and broad range of potential symptoms. Per the National Institutes of Health (NIH): “A small number of those with MS will have a mild course with little to no disability, while another smaller group will have a steadily worsening disease that leads to increased disability over time. Most people with MS, however, will have short periods of symptoms followed by long stretches of relative relief, with partial or full recovery. There is no way to predict, [especially] at the beginning, how an individual person’s disease will progress.”
A recent exacerbation seemed to only affect my cognition and behavior rather than cause any outward physical symptoms. My behavior was disturbing and definitely not how I had ever handled difficult and stressful situations. It was probably triggered by significant interaction with our insurance company, bank, and contractors to repair substantial hail damage.
For a time, my personality dramatically changed from my consistent and life-long diplomatic nurturing personality into an angry confrontational person. The change was similar to turning on a fluorescent light: the light slowly becomes brighter and brighter. In the case of this exacerbation, this behavioral response became more and more frequent until it was the only way I responded! I did not recognize the change until I was well into being a disagreeable ogre. I would often realize I was exhibiting uninhibited and inadvisable behavior but could not help it. If I had been asked if I’d like a cup of coffee, my normal self would have responded “Yes, thank you” or “No, thank you.” However, during the apparent exacerbation, I would probably respond with obvious irritation “What makes you think I want a cup of coffee?!” Also see Who the Heck is this Guy?!
After a few months of this uncontrolled antagonism, suspicion and resentment, I woke up one day to the realization that I was not upset. In fact, “everything was rosy.” I was again unconsciously and naturally behaving in a civilized and congenial way. The way I had always been prior to the “exacerbation.” My return to my previous and more agreeable behavior was similar to turning the light off: no delay. The light turned off instantaneously and my personality was back to normal. My RRMS had gone into a stage of remission.